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Listening

Have you ever talked to a poor listener? How did you feel? What did you do? What did your listener's nonattending behaviors communicate to you? Many people report that they forget their ideas and feel unimportant.

Poor listening communicates disinterest, boredom, disagreement, even hostility. The irony of poor listening is that many times we do not intend to communicate these impressions. Often when we listen to people, we really are interested in what they have to say; we do not disregard them as people and we are not hostile to their ideas. Yet, when we are silent and unresponsive listeners, our nonattending behaviors communicate intentions that may be quite different from our real ones.

Many people view listening as the pasive component of communication. If you think of listening as a basically covert, internal activity, it may be difficult for you to think about observable listening behaviors. We view listening to be as active and behavioral as speaking.

The ultmate indicator of effective listening is active responding. Listening without responding is of little value to the speaker; listening is not merely hearing. Often during conversations people assume they understand each other without bothering to check out their assumptions. Paraphrasing and perception checking are skills that allow you to verify your inferences. When you paraphrase and check out preferences, you not only clarify the meaning of speakers' messages, but you also let people know that what they say and feel is important to you.
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